The G-Boys meet the Blondes
by Lizzie-chan
Summary: Something's changed about Relena and Dorothy. Can the guys figure it out? (Yes I'm being cheezy, but it's my first story so READ PLEASE!!)
1. Default Chapter

Lizzie-Chan

Lizzie-Chan

Fanfiction.net

Okay, okay. This will be my first brand-new hot-off-the presses story for your enjoyment.

Heero "Well it doesn't matter as long as I'm in it,"

Author "Well you would be in it if you had a better personality"

Heero ::Cocks gun::

Author ::sweatdrops:: "Well, um, even though you already have a great personality, hehe"

A cough is heard from behind and Heero dramatically spins around and fires. An astonished Trowa feels his hair and watches pieces of it fall from the top of his head.

Trowa "If I wanted a haircut, I would've asked for one and it wouldn't be from YOU!"

Well, since I'm kind of shooting for a plot in this thing, I guess I better get on with it. (WARNING: The following, although longwinded, may be considered by some or many as a bashing towards a certain character(s). If you resent or disagree with either my opinions or remarks, feel free to say so in a review, since I have the abusive power to delete them anyway. Please, please, for your own good (and mine if you know where I live) take nothing I say seriously…)

Where was I? Oh, yeah, ahem… It was a dark and stormy night-

Heero ::rolls eyes and whistles:: A pen flies through the air and hits Heero in the back of the head. Lizzie-chan looks around innocently and after pulling out a new pen continues…

Anyway, it was about nine o'clock at night at the home of the G-Boys, and it seemed like a typical evening: Trowa was at the mirror trying to fix his sudden haircut, and Duo was on the floor, laughing hysterically at Heero, who couldn't figure out what had just hit him in the back of the head. (Phew, run-on sentence) A small explosion is heard from the kitchen and Quatre emerges among a ball of smoke as Duo rushes in with a fire extinguisher. Not sure what the explosion was, Heero grabbed his gun and somersaulted behind the sofa, where only the barrel of his gun was seen.

Quatre stared down at the smoking pan he held, and his eyes grew big and teary. 

Quatre ::Hyperventilating:: "I-tried-to-make-(Sniff)-DINNERRR!!"

Trowa walks over to try and calm Quatra so that he wouldn't pass out from not breathing (Even though he firmly believed that breathing's bad for your circulation)

Trowa "Don't worry man, it can't be that…" ::smells the air and his face turns pale:: "You know what? I think it's a good night for pizza anyway." As Trowa heads for the phone, the back door flies open and Wufei bursts in out of breath. His face seemed paler than Trowa's as he flops down on the sofa.

"What happened?" Trowa asked "You look like you had just seen a ghost." 

"I just saw Relena and Dorothy at the movie theater" Wufei replied.

"What were you doing over there?" Quatre asks. Wufei stutters and looks down.

"I was, um, looking for a secret enemy's er, hideout." He answers. Trowa stared at him skeptically.

"An enemy hideout in the middle of town?" he asks. Wufie's face turns red and he answers quickly "That's not the point. I saw Relena and Dorothy together at the movie theater with some other girls."

"So they actually have a social life," Quatra said "What's so bad about that?"

"But they acted, well, different," Wufei said. Curious, Heero finally emerges from behind the sofa to hear better, but tries to act uninterested.

"Come on," Quatre said "this is Relena and Dorothy we're talking about. What can be so different about them?"

Wufei shuddered and Duo stepped out of the Kitchen just as the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it!" He says and heads for the door.

"No! Don't open the-" Wufei yells.

"Too late," Quatra replies as the door swings open and Relena and Dorothy bound in. They both wore hot pink tanktops and mini skirts and appeared about eight inches taller than usual (Lizzie-chan later explained to the guys that the added height was due to their new very high-heeled shoes). Dorothy checked her makeup with her pink pocket mirror as Relena blew a huge bubble with her gum. Heero began to raise his gun at the bubble, but Trowa took it away in the nick of time.

"Hey guys, like, what's up?" Dorothy asked as she twirled a lock of her hair in around her finger. The guys stood there in awkward silence.

"Wow," Relena said "Our day was, like, awesome. We met theses girls who, like, went shopping with us at Bloomingdales and we went to the movies and saw 'Legally Blonde'_, _which was, like, soooo cool!" Wufei slowly backed away as Relena began to blow another bubble. Heero thought that if that pink bubble got any bigger without him shooting it, he would probably go insane.

"Beep, beep, beep," Duo said under his breath and grabbed Quatra's arm. "Gee guys, it sounds like they need us for another mission. Lets go to the other room and find out."

"Nothing beeps when we have a mission," Quatra said but Duo elbowed him.

"It's new technology" Duo replied and dragged the others to a nearby room. After shutting the door, Duo shot around at the other guys.

"What's wrong with those two?" Duo asked, arms flying "They must have gone crazy!"

"I'll say," Quatra replied. "Dorothy's top is definitely clashing with that skirt."

"That's not what I, I mean why are they…" Duo felt totally lost about this strange behavior.

"Maybe they are lookalike spies who should be delt with accordingly," Heero said and pulled out another gun, but Trowa took it away.

"There has to be a probable explanation for all this!" Duo said.

"I think I know what it is," Quatra replied "but I will have to perform a few simple tests to be sure"

"I believe I know what you mean," Trowa said, but the others seem totally lost. "You lead the way since you probably have more experience on this."

"What measures will we be forced to take?" Heero asked, hiding a grin.

"Nothing involving shooting or explosions" Quatre replied, and Heero sat back down in disappointment.

"Just a few simple questions," Quatre explained "and we'll learn the truth in no time."

Since this is already long enough, I'll leave a temporary cliffhanger for those who had bothered to read all the way through. You'll see the rest of it once I finish picking the gum out of my hair due to Relena's new talent.

Quatra: " '_Will our heros find out what is wrong with our heroines? Will they find out in time to reverse the effects? Are the effects reversable?? Will Relena's clothes ever match??' _Wow, I always wanted to do that." ::Ducks as Heero pulls out another gun and fires:: Trowa takes the gun away and Heero sits in the corner…


	2. Chapter 2- the saga continues (and kindo...

Lizzie-Chan

"The G-Boys Meet The Blondes"-Part 2

Author: Well, here's the other half of this interesting mystery for your further enjoyment-

"What mystery?" Relena whines and blows another bubble. "I don't get iiiit."

Heero twitches at the pitch of Relena's whine and raises another gun, but Trowa grabs it and adds it to a quickly growing pile in the corner of the room.

Well, all of our heroes and heroines are pretty much where we left them; the girls are still by the back door, giggling over a picture of the Backstreet Boys on the cover of a magazine, and the boys are cautiously making their approach towards them.

"Wow Trowa, like, what happened to your hair?" Dorothy asked, reminding Trowa of his earlier haircut. "We can get that fixed at the hair salon down the road." Once Trowa realized she was referring to the hot pink building down the street, he retreated back to where the others were standing.

"Uh, hair salon?" Trowa stuttered. This time he did not even bother taking Heero's pointed gun, but Wufei wrestled it away.

"Oh, one more thing," Relena said "We invited a few of the girls over for a sleepover tonight,"

"HERE?!" All the boys cried at the same time, and Wufei grabbed the nearest paper bag to stop hyperventilating.

"Who, I mean, how many?" Duo asked.

"Well, like, you know," Relena replied "Just Jennie and Jackie and Rachel and Ashley and Mimi and-"

"STOP!!" Duo yelled "Any more and my head will explode!"

Knowing that he had to do something before things got any worse, Quatra decided to cut in. "Do you two mind if we asked you a few questions?" he asked.

"Like, why not?" Dorothy replied and grabbed another lock of hair around her finger.

"Test number one" Trowa said under his breath as Quatra began the Interrogation. He slowly paced back and forth and looked like he was about to ask when he acted surprised and cried "Look! A dead bird!"

"Where?" Both girls asked and scanned the ceiling frantically.

The G-Boys just watched and shook their heads. 

"Test one failed," Duo began but Relena's eyes lit up as she cut in.

"Wait a minute!" she said "Why would a dead bird be inside-they should be flying around outside!"

"Test one-definitely failed." Duo said as he rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Try another one," Wufei said now that he had fully recovered from the sleepover news.

"Well, that pretty much does it," Quatra said "But there is one other way to know for sure." He then turned back around to the girls.

"How do you confuse a Blonde?" he asked.

The girls replied with blank looks.

"BLUE!" he replied. A few minute passed, and it appeared to have worked. The girls remained motionless, and they stared at him with completely blank faces.

"Are they breathing?" Duo asked as Quatra began to slowly shrink away from Dorothy and Relena.

"Probably not," Quatra replied "If they're thinking, they can't really do anything else at the same time."

"The girls faces continued to stare into space for atleast another five minutes before Relena suddenly tilted her head to the side.

"Blue?" she asked and pursed her lips in thought until finally giving in. "But I don't get iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt!"

"SUCCESS!!" Quatra cried and jumped up. "they've finished developing!"

"Developing into what?" Duo asked.

"Into complete and official BLONDES!" (Author: "DA DA DAAA!" -bad suspense music and a crash of thunder is heard in the background "Cheezy,I know, but gimme a break..")

"Is there any way we can help them?" Wufei asked.

"The effects are irreversible," Quatra replied. The rest of the boys could just stand there, completely stunned at the news when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Dorothy said as she went for the door. "That must be the girls. We are going to have, like, soo much fun!"

Within about ten seconds, the guys began to panic as the room quickly filled with Babbling Blondes.

"Where's Heero?" Quatra asked as he began to feel claustrophobic. He searched the room and realized that one of the sofas was pulled onto it's side and was now blocking the doorway into the den. Inside, Heero could barely be seen, loading every gun and piece of weaponry he owned. Trowa ran over, but instead of stopping Heero, he joined him behind the barricade and grabbed the nearest loaded gun.

"Of course this means war!" Duo declared as he and the others joined them. "We are not going down to an army of blondes without a fight!"

"Be careful and don't look at them straight in the eyes," Quatra pointed out. "They can sense our fear."

Wufei grabbed a small explosive and was about to throw it when Quatra stopped him "No!" he yelled "Do you know how much compressed hot air is contained in a single blonde head? That could cause a chain explosion that would blow up half the neighborhood!"

"Oh," Wufei replied in a small voice and dropped it. "Well then how are we supposed to fight them?"

"With brains instead of Brawn" Quatra replied as he studied his enemy. Just then something hit his face and he toppled over backwards, with a red liquid spilled across him. Duo stooped over him in a panic. "Are you bleeding?" he asked "Speak to us Quatra!" After a moment, Quatra sat right back up and wiped the liquid from his face.

"That was low." he said angrily. "what a waste of nail polish!"

The battle continued like this for almost an hour; the boys would exchange rounds with their weapons, and the Blondes would retaliate with the dreaded flying makeup and nail polish. Finally, things seemed to have reached a stalemate.

"I think there's only one thing left to do," Quatra said and picked up a handful of grenades. "Just watch," he continued and threw them all into the giggling mass at the other end of the room.

"You didn't even pull the pins!" Heero cried "What good is that going to do?"

"Just wait," Quatra replied. Now completely out of ammunition, the guys had no other choice but to huddle behind the barricade and wait for the powdered-makeup dust to clear.

"Why is it so quiet?' Duo asked, but no one could see a thing. Just then the Boys found themselves being pelted by many tiny metal objects.

"What are these?" Duo asked as one bounced off his head and he held it up "Pins?"

"Well what do you do if Blondes throw pins at you?" Quatra asked.

"What?"

"Run, they have live grenades!"

"The G-Boys all jumped up and sprinted out the front door just as a series of explosions began tearing through the entire house. All five guys jumped onto the ground to protect themselves as the entire house burst into a ball of flames.

"You know Quatra," Duo said as a half-scorched copy of "Teen Magazine" landed beside him "You could've just said 'run' or something!"

"That would be too easy," Heero grumbled as the five slowly stood up and glanced over at their home, which was now nothing but a giant mountain of fire (Oops, back to the run-on sentences.)

"We better split before the police show up." Trowa said "I don't think they would take this too well."

"Neither will our landlord," Duo added and began to pick up what was left of their belongings-

Author: What will our heroes do now? Where will they go? How will they sleep? ::Quatra's eyes grow round and teary as he stared pleadingly at Lizzie-Chan::

Author: Tough, Quatra. I can end this any way I want, I AM the author. (Oh, god, he's giving me the puppy-dog look...::tries to look away::) AAAH! Fine! I'll give you a happier ending...

***

Somehow, after a strange, unexplainable turn of events, our heroes all end up in a motel (::Quatra pouts and Heero cocks another gun::) Oops, I meant a huge suite in a four star hotel in Chicago ("Ahem")--Cancun (Phew), watching a news broadcast on their big-screen TV:

"A huge explosion obliterates a house and causes the deaths of about a dozen local blondes, as well as the disappearance of the five tenants and two of the girls, whose bodies were not found-"

Wufei turns off the TV as the other stare into the blank screen, unable to believe what they had just heard.

"Do you think they-" Duo slowly began.

"No way," Trowa replied "No normal person can survive an explosion like that!"

"But they weren't normal people," Quatra said.

"That doesn't matter," Heero said as he stopped cleaning a large rocket-launcher. (I'm gonna regret writing that..) "Even if they did survive, we're still over a thousand miles away. I don't think we will ever have to worry about them again."

The others forced themselves to nod in agreement as the doorbell rang. From outside came the nasal voice that had haunted all five heroes in their sleep.

"Um, like, room service!"

__

Fin

?


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